Something happened to me in September, and I think that something broke something else inside me.
And it wasn’t the breakup.
I mean, the breakup was difficult. As they all are. And it was heart wrenching. And in all honesty, I’m probably not dealing with it very well – the full passive aggressive ostrich head in sand because pea brain shebang – but that is what is happening. Especially considering how weird everything else this year is doing to make it even harder to deal. And the fallout from it is an ever rippling effect that makes me hate butterflies.
It wasn’t that.
It wasn’t a new job either, though that contributed a great deal to it. That job exhausted me. I had pretty much no personal time and little sleep. The money was worth it, but 3 months later, I don’t think I have fully recovered.
Am I just tired? Of…everything that life entails? And that everything life entails to keep going?
I may have lost my mojo and I don’t know where to find it. I don’t even remember what it is to have it – did I ever? Or am I too lazy to notice?
I feel like I am auto-piloting through a lot of things but at the same time feeling a lot. Feeling too much, really.
Well. There’s a lot of good poetry coming out, at least.