Taking Stock: February 2021

What are you pursuing?

Slowing down. Breathing. Doing one thing per day. Trying to remember that rush and hurry and deadlines (HA!) are a construct of a world that wants you to stay working and never not working.

What do you remember most about February?

How quickly it is going. How is it March? Has the year started REALLY? Like…what is this? Can we pause? Can we just??!

What did you do well in February, whether in your career or personal life?

I got a new column. That was pretty cool. I don’t know if I should be piling more onto my plate. I can barely carry my plate. I served waaaay too much at the buffet.

I also got classes on hitting on men, and hit on men, and got rejected, and curled up in shame. And got classes on that too 😀

What difficulty do you see in March?

I might kill my new editor. I might have to go to the doctor for a few things. I might have to start an OnlyFans (yes, these are probably related). I might have to be alone a lot.

What joy do you see in March?

Ooh! It’s a new chapter. The year can maybe start in March. Alone time could be a great thing. Read some books. Write some stuff. Sell some book. Sell some brands. You know. Also, my cousin is here and that makes me happy. It’s gonna be her birthday in a couple of weeks. I fucking love a good birthday. AND ONE OF MY BESTIES is born in March. And ANOTHER OF MY BESTIE’S BABIES might be born in March too!

What do you need to decentre?

I fail the Bechdel test on a daily basis. I should probably decentre men more. It’s a bit hard for me, considering the fact that I have red blood. But really, friendships are where it’s at. I need to also decentre that loud capitalist voice that makes me take things I really don’t care for or about.

What do you need from yourself to get through the next month?

My savings. Lol. I think I need to think of new ways to exercise. I mean I find it so boring already, but like, there’s gotta be more because…yo! Maybe even new ways to be. I think I actually need to think more in March. And I need more discipline. With like, food, exercise, failing the aforementioned test…I really want to learn to say no more, and let go of stuff faster. Way, way faster.

What do you need relief from?

My own thoughts. And feminine standards of beauty. At this big age. You know there’s women who’ve had to be waxing during Corona, and not for themselves???

The last time you felt happy was

Today, I was sitting on my friend’s lawn and I fell asleep, basking in a polite sunshine with a rum and coke next to me. Then, we moved inside, and talked about how pregnancy rips you apart, and watched as my other friend’s face froze in shock and horror, and he likened it to something about his penis. She had Dairyland cones, and scooped vanilla ice cream into a few for us. The crispness of the ice cream and the warmth of the evening melted my heart into contentedness and assurance and safety, and that makes me happy.

How you will find that feeling again is

She gave me some cones. 😊

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