I just finished watching eight long and convoluted seasons of Girlfriends. At the beginning of the series, everyone is painfully skinny. I stay wanting to feed Miss Mya Wilkes a burger, even though I’m sure she looks like that because all her energy is taken maintaining her sass (fun fact, unlike the show, in real life she was actually the oldest of the bunch).

These girls are so skinny, most of the time they don’t even really have to wear bras, even in their promo shoots (one of which is on my Instagram, @abigailarunga). I mean Girlfriends was revolutionary in many ways, but also, largely, I wonder what it did to girls who were not that painfully skinny. Girls like me.

At the end of the show, or rather the sudden cut off in the middle of the 8th season, they’re still mostly the same size. And since I started my exercise journey last year (I never thought I would be able to ever say that. Ever.), the one thing I struggle with is the fact that my weight never decreases (there was a brief joyful season at the very beginning that was quickly eliminated). In fact, it increases more often than not. And yeah, ok, we all want to be comfortable with our bodies and yes, all bodies are valid, woohoo, but when you get on that scale, it’s like the work was all for nothing. And when you look around as a black girl, whether it’s comments from men or from your aunties or from your friends who say you’re a liiiiiittle pudgy (listen, my pot has been with me from my Freshman 20 in Form 1, and has never really left)…sometimes, it stings.

Anyhue…I say this for me as well as for you. Get off the scale. Stop looking at it! Remember that the thing it is measuring is not what you’re actually going for – for me, the point was to keep moving and be fit and all that fun stuff, as opposed to saying goodbye to my pot forever, something I know takes waaaaayyy more discipline than I have in me at the moment (see also: SZA). BMI is a lie, especially for black women. You’re probably not as fat as you think you are. And if want to work on it, then you are, unless you’re not, and that is also a choice. We can’t all be perfect or ‘perfectly shaped’ or have Julius’ discipline. 80% of weight loss is FOOD anyway. Like those burgers Mya wasn’t eating. Ugh, now I want a burger.