Are we gonna do new year new things this year, or have we accepted that essentially human beings don’t really change and if you want to you won’t wait until the beginning of a man made calendar to do so?

Because I personally am still outchea with the NEW YEAR I’M GOING TO DO ALL THE THINGS bug 😀 I love New Year’s in Nairobi. I don’t super believe in Christmas, but wow the streets get clear in December because everyone else does! There’s no jam. Suddenly family time is a MUST. People are nicer, even. No one judges day drinking. It’s awesome!

One of the things I am supposed to be doing this year is one thing I did last year for one time. I am supposed to like, try, and make an effort, to, somehow figure out, if it is possible, for me, as a person, being who I am and who I have been for 31 years, to go to

the gym.

The first and only time I have ever been into an establishment that offers higher gains, ha, was on a work trip last year. I even carried a sports bra. I felt like I looked like I knew what I was doing. I woke up early, I like, psyched myself up for the required 6 minutes, and then LEAPED into action.

Only, the gym was closed and it was so early, I couldn’t find anyone to unlock it. LOL. But did Old Abi (2020 is New Abi, obviously) take this a sign? No. Old Abi persevered because she knew that 40 is only a few years away, and that is supposedly that is when your body decides that it’s done its time keeping you from being pregnant all the time/an alcoholic/bruising/eating all you want whenever you want and it then goes on a very, very long sabbatical that marks the divide between the body of your youth and…well…not.

I found the guy who had the key to the gym and went in and looked at the machines. These are three things that I learnt from my 2 ten minute long experiences.

  1. I don’t know how anything in a gym works. I don’t know the machines. I don’t know what is supposed to be fixing what part of my body. I don’t know how to use them. Am I to lift the thing or glare threateningly at it? Is there a power button? Is it automatic? Is it powered by solar and fear? Wtf? I don’t know what all the towels are for or where they go before and after. I…have no fucking idea. And if we’re being honest, that can kind of discourage you from doing the whole I am going to the gym thing.
  2. I only have like 3 songs on my phone, and most of them are from Blinky Bill’s most recent album. It’s such a GOOD ALBUM, and it is GREAT gym music.
  3. Ok, don’t listen to Blinky AND dance AND try to tape yourself at the gym (because no one will believe you actually went) if you’re an amateur like me because your phone WILL DROP because refer to point 1.

Maybe this year I’ll learn all the things so I can do all the things, once again, equipped with my sports bra and the things that people who go to the gym use and know by name because I will one day be able to say confidently that I did many reps, in the activity, biceps, for cardio, high density, meal prep. See?

Happy, happy 2020.

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